What is a "good" Christian measured by? Is it the number of boys they have- or rather, haven't- kissed? The length of their daily quiet time? The list of homeless shelters they volunteer at every month? Is it the way they close their eyes, or lift their hands, during worship?
If your decisions in life grow you as a follower of Christ; if your purity teaches you to be romanced by Christ; if your quiet time gives way to you having discernment for the will of God; if your service brings you humility and selflessness through Him; and if your worship is an outward reflection of your inner soul giving glory to God... How do these things not determine your "level of Christianity?"
How do these things not prove, or disprove, my level of dedication; and therefore, my true level of conviction? Man looks at the outward appearance, the Lord looks at the heart. Do my daily priorities reflect those of my heart? If not... where is my heart's true happiness found? How long is the road back to that place where it is You?
He does not distribute blessings according to "goodness." Or does He? To whom much is given, much is required... You have been faithful with a few, small things; I will put you in charge of many, great things...
Yes, Jesus' grace is free, and it is most definitely undeserved. Yet, how trustworthy, how stable, must He deem me to be before I am blessed with the gifts of my future? Those plans He has for me to prosper me and not to harm me. Those things. The boyfriend, the mission trip, the perfect opportunity, the husband, the kids, the job as a missionary...
You would think that if I loved Him as much as I say I do, I'd do more. God's grace is free, but faith without deeds is dead.
Do I have to work to get to a certain point in my relationship with Him before I am ready for certain blessings?
Absolutely. And Thank God! Thank God that He knows specifically what I can and cannot handle. Thank God there is more to a Christian than their good vs. bad choices. Praise God that how far a person is in their "spiritual journey" is not a ranking system. He desires everyone the same- not in amounts dependent on the person's level of understanding, or persistence of knowing Him, or consistency in seeking His heart. Not like some math equation of if our commitment: x=6 then Jesus' love and blessings: y=12... It says in the Bible "the least of these," and sometimes we really do think of people in that way. You, oh Lord, do not. The fullness of your love is for all people, given freely, not a hint held back from anyone.
Yet, then what am I working so hard for...? Exactly. I cannot work for what is already there. His love is unconditional. A closer walk with Him, and the blessings/responsibilities that come with it are, possibly, to be our motives.
As for deserving anything... You have made me a woman of God, and when looking (for example) for a partner, I know You would want me to expect to be treated and looked at in the same way You did towards the church. I am to be pursued, chased, sought after, and respected. My value in Your eyes is beyond words. It is the death of Your Son. It is the time You put into creating me, and the care You demonstrated in perfecting my plan.
When I seek You, I can expect You to reveal Yourself to me, because Your word is Truth. I can expect that I will go to heaven when I die, because You have promised me an eternity with You. These things may not happen when &/or how I think they should happen, but they will happen for Your good. You are faithful.
