Beginnings

Soon...

2008-09-08T00:31:00.000-07:00

My beautiful roomates and me :) I will be trying to get back into blogging soon so keep watching for updates! I'm sure I have incredibly profound things to type that will enlighten your life... HAHAHAA! I'm sure not anything close to that but it sure is fun to keep everyone updated and especially to hear back :) LOVE

Measure of Worth

2008-03-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

What am I worth? Do I really deserve anything? In the true essence of the word. Am I allowed to expect anything from anyone?

What is a "good" Christian measured by? Is it the number of boys they have- or rather, haven't- kissed? The length of their daily quiet time? The list of homeless shelters they volunteer at every month? Is it the way they close their eyes, or lift their hands, during worship?

If your decisions in life grow you as a follower of Christ; if your purity teaches you to be romanced by Christ; if your quiet time gives way to you having discernment for the will of God; if your service brings you humility and selflessness through Him; and if your worship is an outward reflection of your inner soul giving glory to God... How do these things not determine your "level of Christianity?"

How do these things not prove, or disprove, my level of dedication; and therefore, my true level of conviction? Man looks at the outward appearance, the Lord looks at the heart. Do my daily priorities reflect those of my heart? If not... where is my heart's true happiness found? How long is the road back to that place where it is You?

He does not distribute blessings according to "goodness." Or does He? To whom much is given, much is required... You have been faithful with a few, small things; I will put you in charge of many, great things...

Yes, Jesus' grace is free, and it is most definitely undeserved. Yet, how trustworthy, how stable, must He deem me to be before I am blessed with the gifts of my future? Those plans He has for me to prosper me and not to harm me. Those things. The boyfriend, the mission trip, the perfect opportunity, the husband, the kids, the job as a missionary...

You would think that if I loved Him as much as I say I do, I'd do more. God's grace is free, but faith without deeds is dead.

Do I have to work to get to a certain point in my relationship with Him before I am ready for certain blessings?

Absolutely. And Thank God! Thank God that He knows specifically what I can and cannot handle. Thank God there is more to a Christian than their good vs. bad choices. Praise God that how far a person is in their "spiritual journey" is not a ranking system. He desires everyone the same- not in amounts dependent on the person's level of understanding, or persistence of knowing Him, or consistency in seeking His heart. Not like some math equation of if our commitment: x=6 then Jesus' love and blessings: y=12... It says in the Bible "the least of these," and sometimes we really do think of people in that way. You, oh Lord, do not. The fullness of your love is for all people, given freely, not a hint held back from anyone.

Yet, then what am I working so hard for...? Exactly. I cannot work for what is already there. His love is unconditional. A closer walk with Him, and the blessings/responsibilities that come with it are, possibly, to be our motives.

As for deserving anything... You have made me a woman of God, and when looking (for example) for a partner, I know You would want me to expect to be treated and looked at in the same way You did towards the church. I am to be pursued, chased, sought after, and respected. My value in Your eyes is beyond words. It is the death of Your Son. It is the time You put into creating me, and the care You demonstrated in perfecting my plan.

When I seek You, I can expect You to reveal Yourself to me, because Your word is Truth. I can expect that I will go to heaven when I die, because You have promised me an eternity with You. These things may not happen when &/or how I think they should happen, but they will happen for Your good. You are faithful.

"fear" God

2008-02-29T16:20:00.001-08:00

When I was younger, this phrase always troubled me when I would read it in my Bible. Fear God? Why would I do that? Isn't He supposed to be my loving protector, the one thing I could have faith in and not fear?
I have come to the conclusion, now that I am so much older and wiser :), that fearing God is a lot easier to figure out than it is to practice. We should fear Him and His glorious, unmatchable power. We should fear what will happen when we don't choose His will... the will that gives us our best life... but we stick to our own will, leading us to destruction of heart, mind, and most importantly spirit, sometimes even to the destruction of others.
It's ironic to me that in the times I should fear God most- at the crossroads of a decison- when I should really be seeking His guidance wholeheartedly... I run.
I end up "hiding" from God, because I am afraid of what He will say. I have discovered my own will and fear that maybe His won't match up with Mine. I see the problem in this, I see the misdirected thoughts and the disordered heart. I understand the need to pray unceasingly. Instead, I close my eyes and leap, hoping I won't hit the ground too hard. I decide that, for myself, it is better to be someplace where I am complacently happy enough, than to not be there at all. Ultimately, I come to the conclusion that fearing God is not being afraid of God. I can trust God. That is why I should fear Him!

Beth Moore devotional intro: "We fear making sacrifices, but the irony is that we make a lot of sacrifices when we are not living the will of God."

Ehhh...

2008-02-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

Restlessness is a funny thing. You know what I'm talking about... That annoying feeling right between your stomach and the bottom of your rib cage. How do I explain it? It's like when I was back in high school, sitting in third period, when suddenly I remember that I have to start off the 4x4 relay at the track meet that night. Goosebumps form on the backs of my legs. It's like small things that are bothering me suddenly consume me. I worry about them and run them through my mind until I am so nervous that they grow from small insecurities to mountains of distractions, blocking every clear thought that tries to pass through my mind. I find myself bidding my time... just trying to occupy myself as to not physically make myself sick from overthinking.

The More I Seek You

2008-02-06T00:59:00.000-08:00

The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breath
Feel your heart beat
This Love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming

How in the world do I even go about explaining how these lyrics just tear at my heart? How great of a romancer is our God? My heart aches with the burning to be in close, one-on-one, intimate relationship with Him. To sit at HIS feet... To lay back against HIM... To feel HIS heart beat! Can you imagine?? Oh my soul cries out with longing and desperation for that closeness, for that unmatchable Love. To take a moment and look to the other side, away from the incredible teachings, miracles, and the laws of the Lord... And to really just melt in the presence and the Passion of our God. Of our Lord Jesus. Mmmm.... There is a spirit inside all of us. It is in the very deepest part of our hearts, the very essence of our very beings... That spirit is the one that sets us apart, the one that tells us we were made for more than this. God has set eternity in the human heart, and that is the spirit that cries out 'Abba Father!' How He loves us.

Starting Second Semester

2008-01-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

So i had to start this blog for a class I had last semester called "Beginnings." The class wasn't my favorite, but I did meet some nice people and heard from some great speakers. (i.e. a Holocaust survivor.) Anyway, I was enjoying some quiet alone time since this week seemed slightly hectic... I chose to watch The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duff... No, don't worry, this is not an entry on my perfect man... That will come in a few weeks :o) Anyway in the movie the girl has a blog and I wanted to re-activate mine as well... It may not prove to be very interesting, and I may tend to ramble... but I thought it sounded fun. Maybe my rambling can bring a smile or laugh to the face of one of my family members or friends that I don't get to see very often anymore. Well, that's all for now. Just a short intro... Feel free any time to post comments or small notes :) I love those! I will end with the daily devotional page I read the other day. It really spoke to my heart and I may elaborate later on... Til then, MUCH LOVE :) May HE bless you and may you bless HIM.

We tend to run to God for temporary relif. God is looking for people who will walk with Him in steadfast belief.
At this moment, Father, I am choosing the way of truth. I want to set my heart on Your laws (Ps. 119:30). I want to choose the way of truth the rest of my days.
Test me, O Lord, and try me. Examine my heart and my mind, for Your love is ever before me, and I desire to walk continually in Your truth (Ps. 26:2-3). Redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth (Ps. 31:5). Help me remember that nothing and no one can be redeemed without truth: the God of truth!
Show me Your ways, O Lord. Teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long (Ps. 25:4-5).

Body Image

2007-11-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

I think body image is something a huge percent of people struggle with, girls in particular. I have had one of my very best friends struggle with annorexia and bullemia. She went away for several months to an institution to be treated. Little does she knowher problem has probably saved me from my own. Body image is something very difficult to deal with. There are very fine lines that cross from just wanting to be more in shape or unhealthy ideas about yourself. It breaks my heart when beautiful girls can't see the beauty everyone else see's, but it is a tragedy when girls lose their identity of who they are in Christ because they are so consumed with the lies in their head about how they look. I know the struggle, I have been there in a small way, but I have heard those lies and I have also learned that God can conquere them. It is such a common thing these days, yet the feelings are real. Girls are torn apart by this "common" condition. We need to be careful and make sure our culture doesn't start recognizinga girl struggling with eating disorders as "the norm." Pay attention to the little things, you may help someone more than you had expected. Be the one person they need to start winning the battle.

Genocide

2007-11-01T21:14:00.001-07:00

What do you even say about this? Rather than there being nothing to say about this topic, there is all most TOO much to say that I can't think of anything worthy of representing my thoughts on this terror. Genocide is ridiculous. There is NOTHING Biblical about genocide. The only time anything like this has happened was when God was purifying the Israelites to be his people and that was genuinely ordered by God. How could you kill a single human being? How could you ever get to the point where lives mean absolutely nothing to you so that you could kill them in masses and never even wince? What a clever devil satan is. People must be blind and have their hearts hardened to the core to think that they are so superior to others that killing them out of existence is the answer. I cannot even imagine seeing a person get shot, but enormous numbers is unimaginable. It makes me think of how important it is to catch these things early. Appreciating peoples' diversity on even the smallest level is a great place to start. Jesus made all people. Yes, people may have different beliefs, but just because we don't agree with those beliefs, doesn't mean we cannot still love the person.

Alcohol

2007-10-18T14:30:00.000-07:00

I don't drink.
I don't desire to get drunk.
I can find other ways to be social with friends &/or strangers.

Drinking hasn't devestated my life in as big of a way as it has to other people. I am blessed very much in that way. However, it has been something that came between my very best friend, she was like a sister to me, and I the summer before college.
My friend was an incredible person. She still is, I don't want to rag on here there. Yet, when she started drinking again at the end of our senior year she changed. I couldn't tell her because she couldn't see how she was any different. She claimed drinking didn't get in the way with her relationship with Christ, and she disagreed that as Christians we need to set examples. When I finally confronted her about how I thought it was becomming a problem, she got very defensive and the discussion turned into us not speaking. In the end, we were friends (acquintances more-so) but things were never really the same.

Drinking changes people slowly but surely. I just never felt right about professing to be a believe of Christ and not setting the example. Also, I'm not interested in a substance being in control of my body. I'm too afraid of the consequences to risk it.

Drinking... No thanks :)

Strengths' Negatives

2007-10-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

God gives us strengths... yet we can also abuse our strengths into being something negative, rather than something that helps ourselves and others.

Relator---> If I spend so much time trying to get closer to my quality friends, I may lose people I am more "aquiantences" with. That may ultimately be a loss of an awesome future friendship. I may also fail to recognize a stranger that really needs a friend and/or someone to talk to.

Belief---> I believe so strongly in my morals and values and most importantly in my religion and relationship with Christ that I can become close minded to others' opinions and ideas. I also lose a lack of ambition to find out more because I already believe in what I believe in and I won't ever change that. Knowledge is power though and focusing so blindly on what I believe may shut me off from that knowledge I could acquire.

Input---> I feel a little differently about the negative side of this strength than some might. I think the downfall of it comes to me in my education. When i use this "strength" improperly, I just store the facts I need to know for homework, quizzes, tests, etc. instead of actually learning and aknowledging the facts and theories. I memorize rather than learn.

Positivity---> I'm not sure I feel there is really a concrete or solid negativity of this strength. If anything I would say that sometimes I get tired of being so positive sometimes, but when those times come I feel like I have to hold everyone else up. I get tired of being the stronghold of happiness when really I just want a break to fall apart and show how I really feel. Feeling like I have to be the example can be exhausting physically and definately emotionally... also spiritually.

Developer---> I guess the negative of this strength could be focusing too much on what improvements others could make. It could turn into thinking that no one is ever good enough if focused upon too heavily. Also, I could get so sucked in to helping others improve and strive that I forget about my own improvements to be made.

Strengthsquest

2007-09-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Megan Goeman

Top 5 Strengths

Relator
People who are strong in the Relator theme enjoy close relationships with others. They find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal.
Belief
People strong in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
Input
People strong in the Input theme have a craving to know more. Often they like to collect and archive all kinds of information.
Positivity
People strong in the Positivity theme have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.
Developer
People strong in the Developer theme recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They spot the signs of each small improvement and derive satisfaction from these improvements.

*Examples of how these strengths work for me:
Relator: I LOVE being in close relationships with people. Family and friends are irreplaceable in the true sense of the word. There is much to be learned and much to give in these close-nit relationships. Investing in one another is so important to me.
Belief: I wish this was my first strength. I love the Lord and I want to learn to love His laws, because they were made for me as a gift to a Christ-like life. My brother-in-law Rob gave a sermon once about our sinful natures and how we should always be STRIVING TOWARDS HOLINESS... It has really stuck with me.
Input: I wish i felt like this characteristic applied to me more. I want to have a craving for knowledge, rather than feel like I should learn it or am obligated to learn it.
Positivity: I try to be a positive person. Even when things go wrong, there is always a bright side and my mom the cheerleader has really been a role-model for that. She has been around the block a few times and can still find a way to keep that smile on her face.
Developer: I love people watching. I have met various people with creative ways of getting to know and understand others and I would love to be one of those people. In no way should this be confused with being judgemental. I try to strive against my sinful nature in judging others. There of course is work to be done but I love to encourage others and build them up. It is especially important to build up people in their walk with Christ. God's plan is so complicated, enormous, and interweaving- you never know how many people your good attitude and encouragement will reach by the end of the day.

"Who am I?"

2007-09-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind...

Still you hear me when I'm calling
Lord you catch me when I'm falling
And you know just who I am...
I Am Yours.

I really love this song by Casting Crowns. I actually drew it up on a sheet of notebook paper in class last year, decorated it a bit, and hung it in my locker. In between classes I would look at the paper, and it would remind me that I am made for more than this life.
There is an innumerable list of the things I am...
I am, for example,
Daughter, sister, woman/child of God, dancer, singer, sports player, slolemn skiier, sinner, joker, friend, accountability partner, the list goes on with both positive and negative things that I am. Some on purpose and some by sinful nature.
However, first and foremost I want to be a servant-hearted, Jesus freak. I love the Lord my God and I want my life to be lived not apathetically but ON purpose and WITH purpose.

I want to be a blessing to Jesus Christ. I want to bring a smile to His face each and every day. Acts 20:24