Soon...

My beautiful roomates and me :) I will be trying to get back into blogging soon so keep watching for updates! I'm sure I have incredibly profound things to type that will enlighten your life... HAHAHAA! I'm sure not anything close to that but it sure is fun to keep everyone updated and especially to hear back :) LOVE

Measure of Worth

What am I worth? Do I really deserve anything? In the true essence of the word. Am I allowed to expect anything from anyone?

What is a "good" Christian measured by? Is it the number of boys they have- or rather, haven't- kissed? The length of their daily quiet time? The list of homeless shelters they volunteer at every month? Is it the way they close their eyes, or lift their hands, during worship?

If your decisions in life grow you as a follower of Christ; if your purity teaches you to be romanced by Christ; if your quiet time gives way to you having discernment for the will of God; if your service brings you humility and selflessness through Him; and if your worship is an outward reflection of your inner soul giving glory to God... How do these things not determine your "level of Christianity?"

How do these things not prove, or disprove, my level of dedication; and therefore, my true level of conviction? Man looks at the outward appearance, the Lord looks at the heart. Do my daily priorities reflect those of my heart? If not... where is my heart's true happiness found? How long is the road back to that place where it is You?

He does not distribute blessings according to "goodness." Or does He? To whom much is given, much is required... You have been faithful with a few, small things; I will put you in charge of many, great things...

Yes, Jesus' grace is free, and it is most definitely undeserved. Yet, how trustworthy, how stable, must He deem me to be before I am blessed with the gifts of my future? Those plans He has for me to prosper me and not to harm me. Those things. The boyfriend, the mission trip, the perfect opportunity, the husband, the kids, the job as a missionary...

You would think that if I loved Him as much as I say I do, I'd do more. God's grace is free, but faith without deeds is dead.

Do I have to work to get to a certain point in my relationship with Him before I am ready for certain blessings?

Absolutely. And Thank God! Thank God that He knows specifically what I can and cannot handle. Thank God there is more to a Christian than their good vs. bad choices. Praise God that how far a person is in their "spiritual journey" is not a ranking system.  He desires everyone the same- not in amounts dependent on the person's level of understanding, or persistence of knowing Him, or consistency in seeking His heart. Not like some math equation of if our commitment: x=6 then Jesus' love and blessings: y=12... It says in the Bible "the least of these," and sometimes we really do think of people in that way. You, oh Lord, do not. The fullness of your love is for all people, given freely, not a hint held back from anyone.

Yet, then what am I working so hard for...? Exactly. I cannot work for what is already there. His love is unconditional. A closer walk with Him, and the blessings/responsibilities that come with it are, possibly, to be our motives.

As for deserving anything... You have made me a woman of God, and when looking (for example) for a partner, I know You would want me to expect to be treated and looked at in the same way You did towards the church. I am to be pursued, chased, sought after, and respected. My value in Your eyes is beyond words. It is the death of Your Son. It is the time You put into creating me, and the care You demonstrated in perfecting my plan.

When I seek You, I can expect You to reveal Yourself to me, because Your word is Truth. I can expect that I will go to heaven when I die, because You have promised me an eternity with You. These things may not happen when &/or how I think they should happen, but they will happen for Your good. You are faithful.

"fear" God

When I was younger, this phrase always troubled me when I would read it in my Bible. Fear God? Why would I do that? Isn't He supposed to be my loving protector, the one thing I could have faith in and not fear?
I have come to the conclusion, now that I am so much older and wiser :), that fearing God is a lot easier to figure out than it is to practice. We should fear Him and His glorious, unmatchable power. We should fear what will happen when we don't choose His will... the will that gives us our best life... but we stick to our own will, leading us to destruction of heart, mind, and most importantly spirit, sometimes even to the destruction of others.
It's ironic to me that in the times I should fear God most- at the crossroads of a decison- when I should really be seeking His guidance wholeheartedly... I run.
I end up "hiding" from God, because I am afraid of what He will say. I have discovered my own will and fear that maybe His won't match up with Mine. I see the problem in this, I see the misdirected thoughts and the disordered heart. I understand the need to pray unceasingly. Instead, I close my eyes and leap, hoping I won't hit the ground too hard. I decide that, for myself, it is better to be someplace where I am complacently happy enough, than to not be there at all. Ultimately, I come to the conclusion that fearing God is not being afraid of God. I can trust God. That is why I should fear Him!

Beth Moore devotional intro: "We fear making sacrifices, but the irony is that we make a lot of sacrifices when we are not living the will of God."

Ehhh...

Restlessness is a funny thing. You know what I'm talking about... That annoying feeling right between your stomach and the bottom of your rib cage. How do I explain it? It's like when I was back in high school, sitting in third period, when suddenly I remember that I have to start off the 4x4 relay at the track meet that night. Goosebumps form on the backs of my legs. It's like small things that are bothering me suddenly consume me. I worry about them and run them through my mind until I am so nervous that they grow from small insecurities to mountains of distractions, blocking every clear thought that tries to pass through my mind. I find myself bidding my time... just trying to occupy myself as to not physically make myself sick from overthinking.

The More I Seek You

The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You

I wanna sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breath
Feel your heart beat
This Love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming



How in the world do I even go about explaining how these lyrics just tear at my heart? How great of a romancer is our God? My heart aches with the burning to be in close, one-on-one, intimate relationship with Him. To sit at HIS feet... To lay back against HIM... To feel HIS heart beat! Can you imagine?? Oh my soul cries out with longing and desperation for that closeness, for that unmatchable Love. To take a moment and look to the other side, away from the incredible teachings, miracles, and the laws of the Lord... And to really just melt in the presence and the Passion of our God. Of our Lord Jesus. Mmmm.... There is a spirit inside all of us. It is in the very deepest part of our hearts, the very essence of our very beings... That spirit is the one that sets us apart, the one that tells us we were made for more than this. God has set eternity in the human heart, and that is the spirit that cries out 'Abba Father!' How He loves us.

Starting Second Semester

So i had to start this blog for a class I had last semester called "Beginnings." The class wasn't my favorite, but I did meet some nice people and heard from some great speakers. (i.e. a Holocaust survivor.) Anyway, I was enjoying some quiet alone time since this week seemed slightly hectic... I chose to watch The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duff... No, don't worry, this is not an entry on my perfect man... That will come in a few weeks :o) Anyway in the movie the girl has a blog and I wanted to re-activate mine as well... It may not prove to be very interesting, and I may tend to ramble... but I thought it sounded fun. Maybe my rambling can bring a smile or laugh to the face of one of my family members or friends that I don't get to see very often anymore. Well, that's all for now. Just a short intro... Feel free any time to post comments or small notes :) I love those! I will end with the daily devotional page I read the other day. It really spoke to my heart and I may elaborate later on... Til then, MUCH LOVE :) May HE bless you and may you bless HIM.

We tend to run to God for temporary relif. God is looking for people who will walk with Him in steadfast belief.
At this moment, Father, I am choosing the way of truth. I want to set my heart on Your laws (Ps. 119:30). I want to choose the way of truth the rest of my days.
Test me, O Lord, and try me. Examine my heart and my mind, for Your love is ever before me, and I desire to walk continually in Your truth (Ps. 26:2-3). Redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth (Ps. 31:5). Help me remember that nothing and no one can be redeemed without truth: the God of truth!
Show me Your ways, O Lord. Teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long (Ps. 25:4-5).